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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27399523">Silent Screams</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanelore/pseuds/Kanelore'>Kanelore</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Amnesia, Angst, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Break Up, Post-CoLS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:54:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27399523</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanelore/pseuds/Kanelore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the break up, Alec <i>knew</i> he didn't deserve Magnus Bane. He'd been an idiot to think that it could actually work but that didn't stop him from pathetically begging Magnus to forgive him. He couldn't handle the pain and he really <i>can't</i> handle Magnus ignoring him, saying he doesn't even know him one more time. Truthfully, Alec is afraid of how much it hurts... That's why he did it. </p><p>It's the most selfish thing he'd done but he can't tell Magnus that they broke up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood &amp; Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood &amp; Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this story is post COLS but like sort of AU? I really don't get how to tag it... I know some stuff mentioned in this didn't happen in the series but this is a fanfic afterall. Just bear with me :)<br/><br/><br/></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You sure you don’t want to stay back? I can handle a few Shax demons by myself.” Jace said observing his face, “I don’t want a repeat of Jade wolf.”</p><p>“I <em>knew</em> you were hiding something from me! Did you fall asleep while patrolling?” Isabelle demanded, putting her hands on her hips undoubtedly prepared to drag him into his bedroom and guard it until he fell asleep.</p><p>Alec scowled at Jace, “I was bleeding out, I didn’t fall asleep mid-hunt. I thought you promised to keep it quiet.”</p><p>Jace raised an eyebrow, looking very detached, “I didn’t promise. It was an agreement. You said you’ll get some rest and seeing as you're still imitating a raccoon, you broke our agreement first.”</p><p>Alec silently cursed himself for thinking Jace will let it go. Last week, he had dropped his guard and had gotten stabbed by a demon. If he hadn’t been able to hear it nearing him from behind until it was too late <em>because</em> he had been exhausted and terribly sleep deprived - well, no one had to know. If it wasn’t for Jace yelling out a warning, that would have been his last fight. It <em>had</em> shaken him and after drawing multiple <em>iratze</em> and <em>amisso</em> runes, Jace had gotten him to agree to rest in return for keeping his near miss from his family.</p><p>He <em>had</em> tried to get some sleep but everytime he laid in his bed, all he could think about was those disappointed cold eyes staring at him. How Magnus had said that he wanted nothing to do with him...</p><p>“This has to stop Alec,” Isabelle looked at him with concern. Just great, now he was worrying everyone around him. “Look I know you and Ma-”</p><p>Alec felt himself stiffening, “This is a waste of time. Mundanes could already be in danger. I don’t know if you care but it’s the duty of a shadowhunter to protect mundanes from demons. I’m going and that’s it”</p><p>His voice came out harsher than he intended and he immediately regretted what he said to Izzy because he knew she was just worried about him.</p><p>Isabelle's face closed off, “I’m coming too.” she informed them and strode towards the entrance clearly telling them to follow her.</p><p>Feeling worse he kept his protests about being able to look after himself and not needing his sister to keep an eye on him to himself and followed her out with Jace.</p><p> </p><p>A few minutes ago Maia had called them after hearing some werewolves gossiping about a warlock who was going to summon a few Shax demons to hunt down all his past partners after his ex-girlfriend had left screaming when she had accidentally seen his warlock mark. Luckily the warlock had gotten drunk and had told those werewolves when and where he was going to do that, so they were hoping to get there before anyone could get hurt.</p><p>Alec felt a hint of sympathy for the worlock, after all he knew how much it hurts when someone you love couldn’t stand the sight of you. At least Alec had deserved the heartbreak, he doubted the warlock had done anything that deserved his girlfriend running away from him. At this point he almost wished <em>he</em> could get a Shax demon to bring Magnus to him, at least then Magnus would have no choice but to acknowledge his existence. His heart had cracked everytime Magnus had ignored his calls and the way he had refused to even look at him when he had met him later. But him going far as to pretend to not know who Alec Lightwood had been the last hit he could’ve taken and Alec had finally given up trying to earn his forgiveness.</p><p>Alec shook himself off his thoughts when Jace sent him a worried look.</p><p>They arrived at the Brooklyn Bridge Park and was met with the sight of a warlock standing next to a weird pentagram, chanting a ritual. Strangely there wasn’t a single mundane nearby.</p><p>“Guess he is a romantic guy.” Jace noted looking at the floating candles and rose petals covering the ground.</p><p>“Look I get nasty break ups sucks - not that anyone has ever broken up with me - but maybe you should explain the situation to her instead of sending a Shax demon after her.” Isabelle yelled at the warlock.</p><p>He looked at them, clearly annoyed for being interrupted ”I’m in love with her! I will make her love me. You nephilim can’t stop me!” he hissed at them flicking his forked tongue at them and threw out him arm.</p><p>Suddenly a portal opened and demons crawled out. “Kill them while I bring my Daphne to me,” He ordered and turned his attention back to the pentagram.</p><p>Isabelle snapped her whip, “If you get hurt Alec, I’m personally making sure you get enough sleep even if I have to sit on you.” She threatened and attacked a nearby demon with her whip.</p><p>Alec fired an arrow and saw Jace jumping onto a demon swinging his seraph blades. Adrenaline rushed through his veins and temporally dulled the pain of the break up, Alec tried not to think about how he had been waiting for this moment.</p><p>He fired another arrow when he saw Isabelle narrowly avoid getting stabbed and when she killed the demon by wrapping her whip around its neck, Alec subconsciously gravitated towards Jace who stepping away from a ichor puddle. He fired an arrow over Jace shoulder as Jace swung his blade at a demon behind him. They moved in harmony tethered by the <em>parabatai</em> bond, much effectively fighting against the demons.</p><p> </p><p>Fighting besides his <em>parabatai</em> with adrenaline rushing through his veins, temporally dulled the constant pain he’d been wallowing in since the break up. Past few days Jace had been happy to find hunts and train with him to distract him until the day he had gotten stabbed. Not that it had done anything good, he’d just been thinking of all the things he could’ve done differently.</p><p>Seeing they weren’t having a hard time killing the demon, the warlock hissed in outrage and shot a wave of green magic towards Isabelle, who was the nearest to him.</p><p>“Izzy!” Alec cried out in fear and tried to make it to her in time, <em>knowing</em> that there was no way he could make it. He <em>couldn’t</em> lose her too.</p><p>But the green light never reached her as a painfully familiar blue magic acted as a shield in front of her.</p><p>“Adlai, what could have possibly possessed you to summon demons in plain sight?” Magnus asked striding in to the park, wearing a glittery scarf around his neck.</p><p>“Magnus! What are you doing here?” Isabelle looked relieved to see Magnus which was a welcome change in Alec’s opinion.</p><p>“Don’t believe that attitude for a second. Raphael is a terrible gossip,” Magnus explained to her, like that the last time they had been in the same place, Izzy <em>had</em><em>n’t</em> been glaring at Magnus and throwing whatever she could get her hands on the at that moment.</p><p>“Magnus Bane, this is none of your concern. My love for Daphne-” The warlock’s-Adlai’s-eyes narrowed in barely concealed anger.</p><p>“Isn’t that the girl you met yesterday?” Magnus interrupted, “I distinctly remember--”</p><p> </p><p>“Alec!” he heard Jace’s voice and snapped out of his frozen state and saw a dagger hitting a demon leaping towards him. “Drool at your ex-boyfriend later and focus on the fight” Jace snapped and immediately looked apologetic when Alec involuntary flinched back at the unwanted reminder.</p><p>He heard pieces of the conversation between the two warlocks in which Magnus seemed to be trying to convince Aldai that breaking the Accords was not worth over love if she doesn’t even want to see him.</p><p>Isabelle joined them as they started to fight the last demon left. Fortunately, Adlai hadn’t noticed that while he was speaking with Magnus they’d managed to gain the advantage.</p><p>“You are right.” The warlock suddenly exclaimed, “Oh! I had been a terrible fool, Magnus” he said mournfully.</p><p>“Haven’t you always been?” Magnus grumbled.</p><p>“There’s only one thing left to do. I shall removed the pentagram and restore the park back to the way it was--”</p><p>“You did clean this place. Maybe leave it like that,” Magnus suggested.</p><p>“-- and make sure there aren’t any witnesses left” He said nodding to himself clearly approving the plan.</p><p>Magnus’s eyes widened in alarm and before he could so much as twitch his hand, Adlai sent a wave of green magic away from himself and portaled away.</p><p>The three shadowhunters quickly used the demon as a barrier against the magic wave. The demon stumbled, screeched and walked away from them almost as if it were confused. It was too easy to kill it.</p><p> </p><p>He quickly scanned around checking if everyone was alright, he had to make sure that Magnus hadn't been hit by that spell.</p><p>“Magnus..” the name escaped his lips, seeing his crumpled figure on the ground. He ran over to him quickly, fear causing his heart to almost beat out of his chest. “Magnus, please” He pleaded while cradling Magnus’s head in his hand and checked over for any injuries. His mind was hit with a wave of <em>'No no no no no...Raziel, please don't let him be de-...please no no..'</em></p><p>“Alexander..” Magnus murmured softly, barely hanging into consciousness and Alec almost passed out next to him in relief.</p><p>“<em>Thank the Angel</em>, You’re going to be okay” Alec reassured him, though it was mostly to convince himself.</p><p>“Alec, is he- is he okay?” Isabelle asked sounding worried, putting her hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“I don’t think people usually lying on ground unconscious are okay” Jace said sheathing his blade. Alec heard a thumb and a yelp and muttered reply that Magnus isn’t hurt and he’s not that insensitive.</p><p>“That warlock said he didn’t want any witnesses..” Alec said worriedly as he remembered the conversation and his grip on Magnus tightened.</p><p>“Maybe Magnus managed to shield himself?” Isabelle suggested trying to be optimistic, “Or the spell just didn’t work. He didn’t exactly seem like a bright guy anyway.”</p><p>“When does anything ever works out like that for us?” Alec asked glumly feeling his previous relief fading a little. Maybe the spell <em>was</em> harming Magnus - they just couldn’t see it - and with every second that passes the spell might be hurting him. Or maybe the effect are a bit delayed.<em> 'No'</em> he firmly thought to himself and tried to calm down. He was going to do <em>everything</em> he can do to make sure Magnus is going to be alright.</p><p>“Let’s take him to the institute” Jace suggested, maybe sensing his panic “We can call Catarina and ask her to check him.”</p><p>Alec shook his head, “Magnus hates the institute” -<em>and me. He wouldn’t want to wake up somewhere I live</em>- “Let’s take him to his apartment, it’s closer too.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed reading this! This is my first Malec fic and the first attempt at writing a relationship so I hope it was alright. I've only written about platonic relationships and haven't written fics for this fandom. So please do let me know your thoughts like whether you think they are too OC or if there are any mistakes. Comments and Constructive criticism is always appreciated :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The agonizing uncertainty was cut short when Catarina calmly walked out of Magnus's bedroom. Alec stopped pacing and looked at her desperately, aching to hear that Magnus was okay.</p><p>"He's alright and awake. I can't find anything wrong with him." Catarina said reassuringly and continued looking impressed, "The spell only erased his memory of the fight with Adlai. He doesn't remember Aldai doing or saying anything that could suggest he might break the Accords. It took a lot of energy out of him because his magic fought against it and I gave him a portion for that but that's all."</p><p>Alec let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he was filled with gratitude for Catarina. She was one of Magnus's closest friends, Alec knew she would've wanted to make sure he was alright but he still felt like he should thank her somehow.</p><p>"Well.." Isabelle looked uncertain, "Should we.. go? Tell Magnus we thanked him for his help today," Then she scowled and added, "Tell him that that doesn't change anything for me. I can't forgive him for-"</p><p>"Izzy," Alec interrupted tiredly, reminded of the fact that Magnus still wanted nothing to do with him. Feeling hollowed out, he closed his eyes briefly "Drop it..Please".</p><p>Catarina looked at them curiously, "Tell that to him yourself, Lightwood. Alec, Magnus wanted to see you" she said still looking at them weirdly.</p><p>"Really?" Alec asked in disbelief. After the way Magnus had clearly made it known how he felt about him, he wasn't sure whether to be relieved or weary at the chance to talk with him.</p><p>"We'll leave you two it then," Jace said looking at him questioningly to make sure he was okay with it.</p><p>Alec half wanted to tell him to stay. He didn't think he could handle Magnus being so cold to him again. He felt like he was a hairsbreadth away from shattering after all that had happened today and he felt better when he was near Jace, with the bond soothing at his pain, but he shook his head telling Jace to leave. This was <em>Magnus</em>. He shouldn't be afraid to talk with him. He knew Magnus wouldn't be cruel to him after what happened. He probably wanted to thank him for bringing him to his home.</p><p>With a look of worry, Isabelle left after Jace silently.</p><p>Catarina looked at Alec for a moment, "It seems to me that you to had a fight. Don't be so absurd. Go talk to him, he's not going to bite you," She said and immediately looked like she regretted it, "Well don't let him bite you. He needs to rest at least for a couple of hours." She said letting out a long-suffering sigh and portaled out back to the hospital.</p><p>Alec didn't even blush at that comment. Normally he definitely would have but now he was too anxious about what Magnus would say to him. He took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself.</p><p>He hesitantly reached the opened door.</p><p>"Alec!" Magnus greeted him cheerfully, snapping away an empty vial. "I thought you'd be waiting by my bedside" He pouted playfully and then he immediately looked worried, "Are you alright? You look absolutely horrible."</p><p>Magnus put his hand on Alec's shoulder and gently pulled him close to him.</p><p>"I- what?"</p><p>"Not that I don't find you handsome but you look like you haven't slept in days, darling" Magnus gently rubbed his thumb under his eye. Alec leaned into his touch inadvertently, feeling his emotions going haywire.</p><p>"I was worried when I couldn't find you after I woke up," Magnus said, "<em>Especially</em> when Cat said my memory of a fight was erased."</p><p>He genuinely looked like he didn't understand why Alec wouldn't be there unless Alec has been injured or some other problem had come up.</p><p>"Have I been unconscious for days?" Magnus suddenly asked alarmed.</p><p>"No." Alec was really confused.</p><p>Alec silently tried to process what was happening. Magnus was acting like nothing was wrong between them. He wasn't sure if this was real- Alec <em>had</em> been desperately wishing things would be like this, back to normal. Maybe all of this was just a dream.. a <em>very</em> vivid dream. <em>Or</em> he was hallucinating, maybe he had hit his head during the fight.</p><p>Magnus narrowed his eyes "You need to take better care of yourself."</p><p>"Did you forgive me?" Alec blurted out.</p><p>Magnus looked at him bewildered, "Whatever for?"</p><p>Alec stared at him.</p><p>Realization dawned in his eyes "<em>Oh Alexander</em>, I was only joking. Of <em>course</em>, I forgive you. I wouldn't really get angry with you for getting inchor on the carpet."</p><p>"What are you--"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Don't even bother coming back here if you are covered in inchor. I don't think I can forgive you for messing this Persian carpet." Magnus grumbled while snapping his fingers and making a different carpet appear, which looked even more extravagant.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alec hid his amused smile and went out of the door.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alec blinked at Magnus feeling utterly confused. Though it felt like ages ago to Alec, that had been more than a <em>month</em> ago. Out of everything, why did Magnus bring <em>that</em> up? </p><p>Magnus looked even more worried when Alec remained silent, "I think you should get some sleep, my darling. Here why don't I get rid of that," he snapped his fingers and Alec's clothes were replaced by one of his worn sweaters and pants.</p><p>Alec jerked, certainly not expecting that and Magnus looked more worried.</p><p>"Alexander" Magnus wrapped his arms around him, "Is something wrong?" he asked softly looking at his face.</p><p>Alec felt tears gathering in his eyes and he shook his head. This was what he wanted but what was happening? None of this was making any sense.</p><p>Magnus looked panicked, "Am I doing something wrong? Do you need some space? I don't understand, what's wrong?" he started to drew back and Alec desperately grabbed on to him and hid his face in the crook of his neck, releasing a shaky breath.</p><p>"<em>Alexander</em>" Magnus insisted holding him tightly, "What's wrong? What happened?"</p><p>Nothing was wrong. Why was Magnus acting like Alec hadn't betrayed him? Then it hit him. Alec felt like an idiot for not realizing this the moment he set foot into the bedroom. </p><p>
  <em>Magnus doesn't remember that they broke up.</em>
</p><p>Magnus stroked his hand through his hair, patiently waiting for Alec to talk to him. The familiar comforting gesture nearly bought Alec to his knees. Alec felt like he was a second away from breaking down and laughing hysterically like he'd finally lost it.</p><p>
  <em>How was he suppose to tell Magnus that they broke up?</em>
</p><p>He can't.</p><p>"N-nothing" Alec lied, "I'm just- glad that spell didn't do anything to you," then because he just couldn't hold it back, he added feeling overwhelmed, "-and that you wanted to see me."</p><p>He felt Magnus taking a surprised breath, "I'm sorry that I worried you. And I'll never not want to see you, Alexander... Why don't we go to bed? Both of us clearly need to get some rest" Magnus said gently.</p><p>Alec quickly wiped his eyes and stepped back from the warm embrace unwillingly. He walked towards the bed avoiding looking at Magnus. Alec wasn't good at lying... at least not at outright lying to someone's face.</p><p>He felt Magnus's troubled gaze on him but he couldn't feel horrible about lying to him, not at the moment when he still felt the lingering comforting touch.</p><p>
  <em>Alec can't lose him again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm really enjoying writing this cuz I have the whole story planned out for the <i>first time in my life</i> and I didn't even have to think about it much! The story just started to flow into my head and I just had to share it with you and I'm happy people are reading this!</p><p>Thank you for all the kudos and comments. Do let me know your thoughts! Comments always make my day :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Alexander"</p><p>Alec shifted slowly waking up, feeling much missed soft sheets around him and a gentle hand pushing his hair away from his face. He bleary opened his eyes, feeling confused as his mind took a long time to grasp his surroundings. How long had he been sleeping for? He hadn't felt this rested in a since -</p><p>"Time to wake up, darling"</p><p>"Magnus?" Alec whispered not daring to believe he was there.</p><p>Magnus looked down at him, corner of his lip slightly turned up in amusement. Gold glitter around his eyes made his eyes, which were soft with affection, stand out. He must've been awake for some time. "I almost didn't want to wake you up but it <em>is</em> almost ten in the morning."</p><p>Alec pushed himself up and scrubbed his hand over his face, blinking rapidly. He remembered getting Magnus to the loft after the fight and how Magnus had lost his memories.</p><p>"But it wasn't even dark," he said in surprise.</p><p>"You were exhausted dear," Magnus said looking amused, "You really ought to take better care of yourself. What was I thinking letting you get away with not getting enough sleep for the last few days?"</p><p>Alec froze and desperately hoped Magnus wouldn't ask what had happened in the days he'd forgotten. He tried to calm himself, Magnus doesn't know he doesn't remember- he was probably thinking about some other time. Alec tried to think back to a time he hadn't been able to sleep when he was with Magnus.</p><p>"Well I suppose you'll have to catch me up on everything later," Magnus looked irritated at Adlai for erasing his memories.</p><p>"But for now you are going to eat breakfast" Magnus looked at him sternly, "You look too thin. I can't believe I didn't notice this before."</p><p>Alec barely stopped his hand from grabbing onto Magnus when Magnus walked out of the room. He felt a ridiculous urge to keep holding onto Magnus to prevent him from leaving again. His earlier peaceful state was vanishing with every passing second.</p><p>When he walked out of the room after cleaning up himself, he saw a ridiculous amount of food summoned. Alec didn't feel like eating but he managed to nibble some food and felt his stomach appreciating him eating a considerable amount of food.</p><p>Alec couldn't help but stare at Magnus, he couldn't believe- he never thought he'd have this again before. He couldn't help but steal glances at him every few minutes.</p><p>"Alexander.." Magnus said and put his arm around him and pulled him closer to him on the couch, no doubt having noticed him looking "I'm alright. Catarina checked and there are no other traces of magic left"</p><p>Magnus must think Alec's still worried about that and although he had been filled with fear, he now knew, thanks to Catarina that Magnus was completely okay. Alec kept silent, not wanting to correct him and he didn't want to make up a lie to Magnus either.</p><p>Unfortunately, Magnus took his silence as a sign that there was <em>something else</em> that had upset Alec. "Something bothering you?" he asked lightly, not pressuring him to answer.</p><p>Alec fiddled with the hem of his sleeve and leaned against Magnus trying to think of what to say. Magnus waited patiently, as he always did because he knew Alec struggled with finding the right words often.</p><p>
  <em>Not always. He didn't let you explain at the subway tunnel.</em>
</p><p>Alec pushed the thought away. He really didn't want to think about that moment again- especially when Magnus undoubtedly looking at him with worry. Alec tried to find something to say that would stop Magnus from worrying.</p><p>"I'm worried about everything..and I missed being with you" Alec admitted in the end and looked at Magnus.</p><p>Surprise flashed in his eyes and Magnus looked slightly pleased, "We have been busy lately. I know a great place in Venice, we could go there now." He suggested looking hopeful, "I've been meaning to go there with you, I have a feeling it'll take your mind off things."</p><p>Alec didn't want to move from Magnus's side, but he remembered how Magnus has suggested going somewhere just the two of them <em>before</em> too. "Okay." he agreed.</p><p>Magnus beamed and gave him a light kiss. Alec just stayed there stunned while Magnus stood up, "Come on, if we get there soon I'll get a chance to show you a wonderful display of – Why spoil it? It's a surprise"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Alec truly had ended up enjoying the date even though he had only agreed to go for Magnus. He did find the city lights combined with fae and warlock magic amazing but most of all he enjoyed seeing Magnus showing him around excitedly. The way Magnus had looked at him filled with love at his surprise. They had eaten lunch- well supper there- from a place that had stuff Alec actually knew on the menu, which Magnus must've done deliberately. Alec had actually managed to eat without forcing himself to and he had only noticed it when Magnus had subtly glanced at his empty plate looking pleased when Alec had finished eating. Afterward, they had strolled through a park lit with fae magic when Magnus had hesitantly started to ask about his erased memories. Then Alec had explained about the warlock and what happened during the fight. But he'd given a lame excuse about needing to get back to the institute soon when Magnus had started asking about why Alec hasn't been sleeping or eating properly.</p><p>Which Alec knew was bad because now Magnus would know Alec is hiding something. But he'd panicked when he'd seen worry in Magnus's eyes when he'd told him things have been busy as an excuse.</p><p>Now he was walking towards the institute glamoured and trying to ignore his slowly rising guilt. He had been truly relieved and almost giddy with happiness but how long was he going to lie to him? But then again he couldn't imagine telling the truth to him either. He couldn't see the hurt and disappointment in Magnus's eyes when he realizes that Alec is just not enough was for the second time.</p><p>He was soon startled out of his thoughts.</p><p>"What the hell Alec?!? Where were you? We were going out of our minds you-" Isabelle stormed over and hit his shoulder twice.</p><p>"Ow!" Alec stepped back from her, rubbing his arm. Alec almost felt sorry for Jace- he hadn't realized Izzy hit this hard when she was mad for making her worry. "I was with Magnus" He defended himself.</p><p>"Would it have killed you to answer your phone? We were looking everywhere for you!" Izzy exclaimed angrily.</p><p>"My phone was here. I didn't take it with me for the mission" Alec explained apologetically, feeling bad when he saw that she had been genuinely frightened.</p><p>"We had to keep checking on Jace to make sure you--" She cut off herself.</p><p>Luckily Jace intercepted before Alec had to think of what to say to <em>that. </em>"So? How is everything?" he questioned skeptically, joining them at the entrance of the institute.</p><p>"We are okay." Alec looked away from them, feeling ashamed of himself at that moment. What was he going to do? How far was he going to go? He had no doubt that if he tells them, they will tell him it's a bad idea and his resolution will crumble to pieces. He knew it was the most terrible idea he'd ever had but he just <em>couldn't</em>.</p><p>"<em>Okay?</em>" Izzy asked incredulously, "You have been absolutely miserable these past few weeks, Magnus pretended to act like he<em> doesn't even know you</em> and now you two are just <em>okay</em>?"</p><p>"Um..is this a bad time?"</p><p>Alec turned around and saw Clary standing there looking uncomfortable with Simon a few feet away from them. He had never been so glad to see the redhead.</p><p>"<em>Oh</em>, I see you found Alec. We can call off the search party then. Glad to see you're back man." Simon grinned looking relieved.</p><p>Alec felt <em>extremely</em> guilty, "Sorry, I really didn't think you all would be so worried."</p><p>Four faces filled with disbelief stared at him. Alec supposed if Magnus <em>had</em> remembered, he definitely would have come to the institute. Even if he had forgiven Alec, they certainly wouldn't have slept in the same bed. Or more likely he would have thanked Alec, firmly remind him that he could never forgive him and<em> Alec would have been absolutely wrecked</em>... Yeah, Alec could understand their disbelief.</p><p>"I-I'm going to my room," Alec hastily said and practically fled to his bedroom. By the Angel what was he thinking? Almost everyone they know knows about their break up.</p><p>How was he supposed to keep it from Magnus? </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have no idea about makeup except the very very basic and zero clue about clothing brands and stuff... You won't believe how much research I had to do describe Magnus (yh I know it wasn't much at all- truthfully there was only like two words- but it was mostly for future references). </p><p>Plus.. what do Sadowhunters do when they are not Shadowhunting or facing threats?? I mean there was something about Jace playing video games with Simon and the Blackthorn's watching movies.. but New York institute doesn't have mundane stuff.. So they read and train.. what else?</p><p>Hope you enjoyed this and do let me know about your thoughts on this fic &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus was lazily laying on the couch with Alec, playing with Alec's hair while watching The Hobbit. Alec was practically melted on top of him and was being unusually quiet today. Normally he was adorably confused and bewildered as to why the characters would do something, so either he was really invested in the movie or something was on his mind. Or...</p><p>"Alexander?" Magnus asked, gently tugging on his hair to make him shift his head so he could see his face. </p><p>"Hmm?", Alec hummed shifting, opening his blue eyes looking at him through his lashes.</p><p>"Falling asleep? We can watch something else" Magnus offered, after all, he had watched this before, he wanted to make Alec enjoy watching this- mundane interpretation of the Downworld always fascinated and at times baffled him.</p><p>"Wasn't sleeping, I'm just enjoying being with you," he said simply, and really how was he supposed to not kiss his boyfriend when he looked at him so earnestly?</p><p>Magnus leaned down and brushed his lips against Alec's into a soft kiss and Alec let out a surprised yet pleased hum. Alec pressed closer and his lips on him were soft and warm like there wasn't anything else he'd rather do. His kisses were always so sincere. It wasn't heated, it was just the two of them conveying their feeling to each other. Magnus felt Alec's breath hitching as he gently parted his lips and stroked his thumb down his neck.</p><p>With a shaky exhale Alec broke away from him, beautiful blue eyes he loved so much were filled with emotions and-</p><p>Alec moved away from him and cleared his throat, "Uh-Sorry, I-uh- you were watching the movie" he mumbled and Magnus couldn't help but think Alec looked a bit guilty, which he absolutely cannot allow. </p><p>"Oh, well certainly don't mind. You are much better to look at anyway." Magnus teased and lightly tugged him back towards him. Alec settled to his previous position, though he was tenser and starred at the tv, "Didn't we watch this before?"</p><p>Magnus sighed fondly, his Shadowhunter really haven't paid any attention to this, has he? "This is the second movie. It's a sequel." </p><p>"Oh, okay," Alec said and hid his face in the crook of his neck. Magnus felt him releasing a shaky breath and borrowing his face further. Magnus stared at the back of Alec's head, feeling like he was missing something. He shrugged it off, after all, maybe Alec was just happy to have his <em>parabatai</em> back. He knew how close the bond between <em>parabatai</em> is, he'd been worried they wouldn't be able to get the blonde back. </p><p>Magnus decided to be happy about it. This had been the longest they had gone without some sort of an argument since their vacation had been cut short. Much to his relief, Alec hadn't asked a thing about his past and he hasn't sneaked out once. Maybe it all had been due to being stressed and worried about Jace.</p><p>Magnus almost sighed in disappointment when Alec's phone started to ring. He was willing to bet his entire fortune that it was the annoying blonde. Magnus shouldn't have thought about him.</p><p>Alec groaned and slumped in disappointment, which of course did wonders to his ego. "Jace," Alec answered the moving away to the other end of the couch. Magnus settled to watch this side of the conversation.</p><p>"Now?" Alec asked incredulously.</p><p>"Why?" he looked a bit wary.</p><p>A pause.</p><p>"You can manage without me. Take Izzy" Alec rolled his eyes.</p><p>"You really don't need three people to- Izzy." he looked surprised.</p><p>"No" Alec yelped, looking a bit anxious, "I'll be there. There's no need for that."</p><p>Magnus raised an eyebrow "I take it you have to go Shadowhunting now?" he asked once Alec finished and didn't offer what that had been about.</p><p>"Uh...yeah," Alec looked at the phone like it had betrayed him. </p><p>"I could make a portal," Magnus wiggled his fingers.</p><p>"No. You shouldn't use much magic" Alec said much to his disappointment. He was itching to use magic again, but Alec was right. Making a portal did require more magic than he probably should use at the moment.</p><p>Magnus noted that Alec really did look very reluctant to leave, much more than usual. So he decided to be a supportive boyfriend, "Off you go Shadowhunter, I've <em>been</em> wanting to clear out my closet." He grinned when Alec's eyes widened.</p><p>"I'll go.." Alec said, only a tiny bit less reluctantly than before much to Magnus's surprise. He'd thought Alec would all but run out of the apartment. But there was <em>something</em> in Alec's expression that made his heart clench and made him get up from the couch. He cupped Alec's face in his hand, lightly stroking his cheekbone, and brushed his lips against Alec's for a second, "Go, Alexander" he said with a light smile, "Hope you return soon."</p><p>Then he walked towards their bedroom, planning on doing as he said, ignoring a little voice in his head saying that Alec looked troubled when he kissed him. He was reading too much into it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Alec entered the weapons room in the institute very reluctantly. He didn't want to spend any time away from Magnus if he could help it, after all, he knew how cherished the time spent with Magnus was. Unfortunately, Jace had gotten a lead on the warlock, and apparently, they just had to go now to speak with some friend of Kaelie because Jace had to be at Simon's and Jordan's apartment around noon or he'd lose some place and a bet and <em>apparently</em> as his <em>parabatai</em> Alec ought to know better than to think he'd back down from a challenge. Alec didn't know when Jace had become such friends with those two but at the moment he couldn't help but selfishly resent it a little bit. Everyone else was enjoying this time without any immediate danger to the Shadow World and here he was brooding over not getting to spend more time with Magnus-</p><p>Alec stopped. By the angel, he hoped Magnus hasn't thought he being so<em> so</em>- </p><p>"It's been two whole days since I saw a frown on your face, brother" Isabelle teased from where she was sitting on the table, probably waiting for him.</p><p>Alec tried to not let his face settle into a scowl at that because Izzy was just happy for him. "Where's Jace?" he asked.</p><p>"He's telling mom about where we are going" she replied, which<em> was </em>a bit strange because since when did Jace start asking for permission?</p><p>Seeing his doubt Isabelle added, "I might've suggested it to him. After all, as I said, it's been two whole days since I saw a frown on your face."</p><p>Right, Alec may have misread his sister. This time he let his scowl settle, "Can't I just be happy?"</p><p>Isabelle swung her feet and leaned back, "Of course you can, Alec. It's that you have this bad habit of overthinking so I should've caught you brooding <em>at least</em> once. How <em>are</em> things going with Magnus?" she asked casually.</p><p>Alec folded his arms. So Isabelle <em>had</em> arranged this so she can talk to him about something. He was sure he wouldn't like where this will end up going. "Everything's good. What's this about Izzy?"</p><p>"It's about the fact that you're a horrible liar," Isabelle said frankly, " and that you of all people should really be more invested in finding this warlock."</p><p>"I am looking for him. It's- it's not like Magnus forgot- a lot. You <em>heard</em> what Catarina said," Alec said defensively, feeling dread creeping upon him.</p><p>Isabelle raised an eyebrow, "So nothing about the fact that he broke the Accords and that we are supposed to bring him in matters to you?"</p><p>Before Alec could form a protest, Isabelle leaped down from the table and crossed her arms "I always know when you're hiding something from me, Alec. Sometimes even before <em>you</em> realize it." she said matter of factly.</p><p>"Izzy... I'm not hiding something" Alec said weakly, knowing she wouldn't give up until she figured out the truth. Alec pulled at the sleeve of his hooded sweatshirt and tried to not fidget much under her stare. Really, he should've expected this to happen and prepared himself to answer them but then again, he never liked being untruthful and he never had been able to hide things from Isabelle for long. She was always able to see through him if she paid enough attention. </p><p>"Alec.. you are allowed to be upset. Magnus hurt you- and before you say it was your fault, let's not have that argument - it doesn't matter who's fault it was. You got hurt anyway." Isabelle said cautiously, "You don't have to pretend you're all good with everything. Magnus cares about you, he wouldn't want you to lie about this."</p><p>Alec really couldn't keep looking at her anymore. "I'm not- Izzy, I don't know what you're talking" he denied and prayed Jace would come back. Though he didn't want both of them to gang up on him, he was pretty sure Isabelle would stop if Jace comes back, or why would've she made sure to get two of them alone?</p><p>Isabelle looked at him and something in his expression had her frowning slightly, "Alec.. you didn't want me to come to the apartment and you are looking really <em>really</em> guilty. Were you trying to keep me from meeting him?"</p><p>"What?- No-" Alec stammered out. </p><p>"You don't just go from ignoring someone to acting like nothing went wrong. It's like you two f- " Isabelle paused. "Alec, I just had the most ridiculous thought I've ever had, but there's no way it could be true right?"</p><p><em>She knew</em>. Alec thought, filled with panic, "Izzy-"</p><p>"Raziel, Alec. Tell me you didn't. Please tell me that Magnus remembers that you two broke up" she looked at him with dread.</p><p>He felt himself flinch back and at his lack of an answer, she exhaled in disbelief, "This is a bad idea."</p><p>"Y-you can't tell him" his voice came out a bit shakily.</p><p>Isabelle stared at him for a few seconds, "Magnus deserves to know the truth but I won't tell him."</p><p>Alec felt shaky with relief. She continued on. "<em>You</em> should tell him before he finds it out from anyone else though."</p><p>Alec bit his lip and looked away from her, feeling terribly ashamed of himself,  "I'm sorry but I can't, Izzy. This is a second chance... I <em>can't</em> go through that again."</p><p>An unreadable look came over her face, "Okay, Alec. I'll help you. I'll make sure no one brings it up." she sent him a grin, "You are about to see the Isabelle Lightwood charm at it's highest. Next time just tell me when you have trouble, it'll be easier."</p><p> A wave of gratitude for his sister washed over him. He'd been so afraid she'd be disappointed, or even furious with him. He knew she was friends with Magnus. Even though he would've been destroyed, he would've understood if she had gone ahead and told Magnus what a terribly selfish person he was. He was confused but very relieved that not only she agreed to keep it a secret, but she was also going to help him. Before Alec could shake off his disbelief at her words and thank her, he was interrupted by Jace.</p><p>"Hurry up, we should go now or the faery might think we are standing her up," Jace said poking his head into the room. </p><p>"We really wouldn't want to do that." Isabelle agreed and gestured to him, 'Come on Alec, the sooner we go, the sooner we can get this done."</p><p>Alec felt a bit lighter than he felt before. Isabelle knew. He'd thought that if she knew she would convince him to tell the truth to Magnus. They had always been with each other through everything and it meant everything to him that he still had her by his side.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry about the delay.. So here's a longer chapter! I was finally going to write a fic with regular updates but my school increased the time for online classes so my free time decreased drastically.. :(  Can't promise any updates soon but I'm planning on updating at least once before this year ends :)</p><p>I saw all your amazing comments and replying to them yesterday made me feel bad for making you wait.. I wasn't planning on updating today and this was not what I was going to update.. But this just came out on its own? I was just editing and thinking it was too short and ended up writing this entire new chapter.</p><p>Hope you enjoyed this and let me know all your thoughts! Comments really do have a way of guilt/motivating me into updating faster ;)   Constructive criticism is always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The italics parts are taken from The City of Lost Souls. I did slightly changed it to make it shorter in some parts (read the book for that scene it's really good ) but it's basically Cassandra Clare's.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec was walking towards their- <em>Magnus’s</em>- apartment, already eager to see him again. Their quick mission had been somewhat fruitful. The faery had been eager to give information once they’d explained that they are not intending on killing the warlock. Or, Alec reflected, it had been more due to the fact that she’d instantly found Jace to be very charming. </p><p>Fortunately, Adlai still hasn’t completely left the city. According to her, he was still planing on winning back his ex-girlfriend, but more discreetly this time. Unfortunately, all they had to do was wait and hope she’d contact Jace as she said she’d do when the warlock contacts her again.</p><p>Alec shivered slightly as the evening breeze chilled his damp hair and picked up his pace. They had run into a demon in an abandoned warehouse on the way back and Isabelle had been adamant about him not going back to Magnus covered in <em>ichor</em> and sweat. After he’d showered and changed she’d insisted on him wearing clothes without holes and at his protests she’d digged through his closet and shoved a black unfaded sweater with fewer holes in it to his arms.</p><p>Isabelle had rolled her eyes and said that this <em>is</em> her helping him and that he should be more grateful. She’d made him promise to keep her updated and to spend more time with her before telling him to go before Magnus worries about him being late.</p><p>He arrived at the door and hesitated before entering. He had an urge to knock but he shook it off. He knew he was allowed to enter anytime… now. Soon another problem occurred to him.</p><p>The key.</p><p>‘<em>Leave your key on the dining room table.’</em></p><p>He didn’t have the key with him anymore.</p><p>How was he going to explain this to Magnus? Saying he lost the key would require an explanation he didn’t have. He was terrible at lying. Maybe he should ask Izzy? Maybe he should go back to the-</p><p>“You usually just grab the handle and open the door,” Magnus said, opening the door and looking at him teasingly.</p><p>“Oh- how did you-?”</p><p>“I’m a six hundred-year-old warlock Alec. I can easily detect when someone's lingering around my apartment- <em>which</em> has strong wards around it.”</p><p>“I thought you were eight hundred” Alec blurted out in his startled state and immediately scolded himself. He ignored his hurt at being repeatedly lied about something so simple and tried for a non-caring look, “Not- that it matters... I was just surprised to see you” Alec tried for a casual tone and sent him a smile. “I didn’t know you could do that.”</p><p>Something flickered across Magnus’s face, “Well, now you do. Why didn’t you come inside?” he inquired, letting him enter the apartment.</p><p>“Oh, I uh... I thought I saw something” Alec said.</p><p>Magnus raised an eyebrow and before he could say anything, Alec quickly tried to change the topic, “So.. in the morning you said you wanted to go somewhere?”</p><p>Magnus stared at him for a few seconds and Alec tried his best to not fidget. He felt like Magnus was staring deep into his lying soul and seeing every single thing that he's hiding.</p><p>“You look tired. Why don’t we go on some other day?” Magnus said finally, “Cat came by a while ago and cleared me to use my magic, so you can’t protest. I’ll summon whatever you want to eat.”</p><p>“It’s okay. I’m not tired. Really,” Alec said, not wanting to disrupt his plans. After all, he’d been functioning feeling a lot more tired <em>before.</em></p><p>“Not up for discussion,” Magnus said sternly, “You still have dark circles under your eyes and I am not letting you get to that state again. Honestly, how could I have not noticed it at the time?” He muttered the last part and walked towards the dining room.</p><p class="">Alec followed him. If Magnus insists on staying, he’s not going to protest much. After all, he <em>did</em> like the idea of just staying here.</p><p class="">They enjoyed the meal and their conversation somehow lead to Magnus reminiscing about a time that he had helped Marie Antoinette escape. Alec had enjoyed listening to Magnus animatedly telling the story and felt fortunate to learn a bit more about his past. They moved to their bed after Magnus claimed to have a meeting with a client in the morning and he started to tell Alec about ridiculous things clients have asked from him.</p><p class="">He didn't want to go to sleep when he could be spending more time with Magnus but now laying in the bed next to him, with his deep melodic voice in his ears, he could feel sleep dragging him under...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Alec was walking along the tracks in the abandoned subway tunnel. He saw his breath coming out in front of his face in white clouds and shoved his hands into his pockets shivering, trying to keep himself warm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just when he was about to turn off the witch light he heard the dreadfully familiar voice that has been haunting him in his dreams.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Alec," it said. "Alexander Gideon Lightwood."<br/>
<br/>
Alec felt his heart lurch. He turned around slowly. "Magnus?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Magnus moved forward, into the circle of illumination cast by Alec's witchlight looking somber, his eyes shadowed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Magnus," Alec felt himself repeat. "I thought you were asleep."<br/>
<br/>
"Evidently," Magnus said looking angry. Magnus's cat eyes were remote, impossible to read.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Did you follow me?" Alec asked.<br/>
<br/>
"You could say that. It helped that I knew where you were going." Moving stiffly, Magnus took a folded square of paper from his pocket. Alec looked at Camille’s note dishearteningly. "You know, when she told me you'd been here-told me about the bargain she'd struck with you-I didn't believe her. I didn't want to believe her. But here you are."<br/>
<br/>
"Camille told you-"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘Stop. What are you doing? Apologize. Beg him to forgive you. Ask him to understand.’ Alec silently screamed at himself.</p><p><br/>
<em><br/>
Magnus held up a hand to cut him off. "Just stop," he said wearily. "Of course she told me. I warned you she was a master at manipulation and politics, but you didn't listen to me.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>No no no no, please...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I already told her," Alec said. "I wouldn't kill Raphael. I came here and told her the bargain was off, I wouldn't do it-"<br/>
<br/>
"You had to come all the way here, to this abandoned subway station, to deliver that message?" Magnus raised his eyebrows. "You don't think you could have delivered essentially the same message by, perhaps, staying away?"<br/>
<br/>
"It was-"<br/>
<br/>
"And even if you did come here-unnecessarily-and tell her the deal was off," Magnus went on in a deadly calm voice, "why are you here now? Social call? Just visiting? Explain it to me, Alexander, if there's something I'm missing."<br/>
</em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘I’m sorry Magnus. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to know more about you. I was stupid. So so stupid. I came here because she was the only one I could talk to about you. She was the only one who knew you in a relationship. I just wanted advice from her because I have no idea how to be in a relationship. I let her drink my blood because I wanted to know more about your past. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have done any of it. I swear on the angel-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Magnus-" Alec felt himself taking a step forward only for Magnus to moved away from him. His posture was stiff and unfriendly and he was looking at Alec like he was some stranger he didn’t like.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm so sorry," Alec said in a scratchy and uneven voice "I never meant-"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I wouldn’t Magnus. I wouldn't do that to you, Magnus, please... Please listen to me.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I was thinking about it, you know," Magnus said. "That's part of why I wanted the Book of the White. Immortality can be a burden. You think of the days that stretch out before you, when you have been everywhere, seen everything. The one thing I hadn't experienced was growing old with someone-someone I loved. I thought perhaps it would be you. But that does not give you the right to make the length of my life your choice and not mine."<br/>
<br/>
"I know. I know, and I wasn't going to do it-"<br/>
<br/>
"I'll be out all day," Magnus said. "Come and get your things out of the apartment. Leave your key on the dining room table." His eyes searched Alec's face. "It's over. I don't want to see you again, Alec. Or any of your friends. I'm tired of being their pet warlock."<br/>
</em>
</p><p> </p><p>No no no, please. You’re not a pet warlock. You don’t ever have to help any of us again. Please just, please-</p><p> </p><p>“Magnus-” Alec choked on tears his throat clogged.</p><p>“Alexander. I’m here. Darling, wake up. Please wake up..”</p><p>Alec felt a hand cupping his face and wiping his tears. Cutting off a sob he bit his lip and stared into those painfully familiar cat eyes- though something about those eyes seemed very different.</p><p>“Please” he pleaded his mind trapped between dream and reality.</p><p>“We are both okay. We’re in the loft Alexander.” Magnus reassured his cold eyes were replaced with a worried caring look.</p><p>Magnus. Magnus was <em>here</em>. For a few seconds, Alec was confused as his mind still muddled with the vivid dream- <em>memory</em>. His sleep has been plagued by that memory-a bit twisted at most times- ever since that day. “You’re here..” Alec whispered surprised as Magnus felt solid under his touch. One thing that had been constant was the gapping lack of his presence.</p><p>“Of course I’m here,” Magnus said looking at him strangely, leaning back.</p><p>Alec almost opened his mouth and told Magnus that they broke up so why would he be here but thankfully his mind caught up before he could mess up again.</p><p>Magnus’s eyes were filled with worry. “Alexander, it’s okay. Whatever you saw it was just a dream. Do you... want to talk about it, perhaps?”</p><p>It wasn’t a dream.</p><p>Alec shook his head and took a deep breath to calm his emotions. He leaned against the headboard and stared at his bitten nails. He could feel Magnus’s stare on him. “I’m fine,” he said hoping to drop it. This was the first time he’d had a nightmare since he’d gotten Magnus back.</p><p>“You’re not,” Magnus said tightly and moved away from him, “You haven’t been for some time, Alec. Ever since- ” he stopped himself, a hint of guilt flashing in his eyes, “It’s okay if you’re not, but don’t try to hide it from me. It won’t do either of us any good.” Magnus said a bit more gently.</p><p>Alec felt lost. Magnus <em>was</em> right. It was exactly what happened <em>before.</em> Everything was going <em>fine</em>, and his mind was ruining everything for him again by resuming having dreams of <em>that</em>. But it wasn’t like he could talk to Magnus about it this time, not unless he wanted to be kicked out of Magnus’s life faster than he could blink.</p><p>Alec took a shaky breath, “Sorry. Just..stay with me?” he asked hesitantly.</p><p>“Always” Magnus promised softly and sat next to him, gently pulled down his head onto his shoulder, and started gently carding his hand through his hair.</p><p>Alec felt a sting at his word. He wished Magnus wouldn’t promise him things like that. Especially when Magnus never stood a chance at keeping it if he ever realized the truth.</p><p>A tiny part of him is telling him to stop pretending and that Magnus deserves better. That he’ll eventually re-realize that some inexperienced Shadowhunter is not worth the effort, no matter how much Alec tries to change, and just leave him again.</p><p>That part of him was getting louder each day.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>To clarify, italics are from the book but normal text in between is Alec's thoughts during his dream. Like you know when sometimes when you dream you see yourself doing stuff but your like thinking and judging and like why no bad idea.. like that? No one? Just me? </p><p>Plus, English's not my first language and I feel like I messed up the tenses writing this but I can't figure out. If you notice I'd really appreciate if you could point out what went wrong in a constructive way.. Or unlikely if nothing is wrong :)</p><p>Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it!!! Hope you enjoyed my little gift &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Why are you calling me?" Alec hissed quietly as he slipped into their bedroom.</p><p>"You're <em>supposed</em> to keep me updated on things," Isabelle said huffing. "I gave you a day and I know you slept at the institute yesterday but so far all I know is that-"</p><p>"<em>Izzy! Magnus might hear me</em>" Alec whispered fiercely, "I'm hanging up." The last thing he wanted was Magnus to see him whispering to her sister about their life. </p><p>"No. If you do, I'll keep calling, and don't you think about turning off your phone because I'll just call Magnus." Isabelle said smugly.</p><p>"Izzy-"</p><p>"<em>Relax</em>. Just go to the bathroom, shut the door, and put on a silencing rune. Magnus respects you too much to eavesdrop using magic." she continued calmly.</p><p>Alec frustratingly stared at the silent phone for a minute, contemplating whether she would actually call Magnus. In the end, he did as she said. Finishing the rune he leaned against the wall. "This looks very suspicious Izzy."</p><p>"Well, he would be right to be suspicious. You <em>are</em> hiding something that's relevant to him." Isabelle said, "So talk to me."</p><p>"Um.. can't we just talk later?" Alec asked, "Magnus is going to wonder what I was doing here."</p><p>"Tell him you were just using the bathroom."</p><p>"<em>With a silence rune?</em>" Alec questioned incredulously.</p><p>"You are having some stomach problem. You're embarrassed. It happens" Alec could almost see her grin.</p><p>That's.. a good one but- "I can't tell him that!"</p><p>"Sure you can. Tell me Alec what else could you possibly do in a bathroom that would require a silence rune? You <em>are</em> in your boyfriend's apartment after all so you can't tell him- " Alec flushed "<em>Izzy!</em>"</p><p>He heard Isabelle sighing, "Did he see you go in here?"</p><p>"No, but he heard you call-"</p><p>"What is he doing?"</p><p>"Making a potion but- "</p><p>"Alec, it might be too late very soon alright? So just shove aside your protests and talk with me. The more you protest the longer you are going to be in there."</p><p>Alec finally gave up. "Things are okay," he said finally. "We do all the normal couple stuff. Went on some dates. Magnus has recovered his magic so he's back to his normal routine."</p><p>Isabelle let out a frustrated sound, "Big brother I love you but you really suck at giving details. I don't want a mission report. I want to know what you thought, felt, what you think Magnus is thinking- every single detail of what happened and what will happen."</p><p>"That <em>is</em> what happened" Alec protested</p><p>Isabelle sighed, "I thought this will be easier. Simon said that mundanes find it easier to talk through a phone or a text than face to face in person. Tell me, what happened that day after we left you with Catarina?"</p><p>"Magnus was happy to see me... I was confused at first but then... I realized what happened and we slept."</p><p>Alec heard some weird noises "<em>Alec! Fine.</em>" He heard Isabelle breathing in and letting it out "<em>Details</em> Alec. <em>Details</em>. At least tell me, does he know he lost more memories?"</p><p>"No.."</p><p>"Well Alec, then we have the problem we would've reached much sooner if you had just talked to me without the fuss. Magnus has a social life outside of you. Do you think he will stay inside the apartment when you leave? Even if he stays, he has clients Alec. Did you think about that?"</p><p>Alec felt cold, "Uh I.."</p><p>"Well lucky for you I already did. That's why I called. Don't worry much, just assume it's a side effect. Act like you have no clue." Izzy advised, "Well, now- Alec! What about his phone? The voice mails Alec. We must've left more than fifty voice mails. There's no way Magnus wouldn't click one to find out why the hell he has that many." She said suddenly sounding alarmed.</p><p>Alec remembered the pure panic and fear he'd felt when Magnus had looked for his phone days ago. However, he'd failed to find it, hadn't been able to even summon it. To Alec's sheer luck it is apparently lost. "He lost it," he said to Isabelle.</p><p>As much as he appreciated her helping him, he really didn't want to be reminded about what he was doing when he was hoping on spending the rest of the day with him.</p><p>Isabelle let out a relieved breath, "Thank the angel, Alec that's the sort of things you have to say to me. Anything else you missed? Like the fact I heard you two went on a date yesterday."</p><p>How did she even know that? "We did."</p><p>"Well? Tell me how it was! Oh, wait! Tell me about the one you spend with him while we were all looking for you" Alec felt a bit guilty at that reminder, but she didn't sound upset.</p><p>"It was a date... We went to Venice again." Alec said unsurely.</p><p>"Venice? I've always wanted to go there! Tell me all about it!" Isabelle said excitedly. "Was it romantic? Come on, share with me please?" </p><p>Alec realized that she was just asking him about the date, as she usually does. "It was great," Alec said a bit hesitantly. He felt a light smile tugging at his lips as he recalled it.</p><p>"Yeah?" Isabelle encouraged.</p><p>Alec ended up telling how beautiful was the way the lights and magic had lit up the place. The way Magnus had shown him around, how they had walked along the path with faery lights around them. He remembered how happy he had felt, how Magnus had looked at him adoringly. He didn't think he'd ever told Izzy this much about any date.</p><p>After telling him how happy she was for him Isabelle ended the call telling him to enjoy the day.</p><p>Alec was surprised to realize that it did feel sort of nice after talking with her. He walked out of the washroom still thinking about that day and hoping Magnus wouldn't have noticed that he was doing anything... only to be faced with Magnus.</p><p>"What were you doing there that long?" Magnus raised an eyebrow, "I was just about to ask if you were okay."</p><p>"Uh-I... I um" Alec stuttered trying to think of an excuse as Magnus walked towards him from where he'd been going through the closet.</p><p>"Don't tell me you forgot your boyfriend's only a few steps away." he teased him lightly.</p><p>"<em>No</em>," Alec yelped cursing himself for blushing. Magnus was looked at him amused, "I was- I was having a stomach issue.." he felt his face heating up even more. Couldn't Izzy have given a less embarrassing excuse? </p><p>Magnus looked a bit concerned, "Are you feeling alright? I could-" his hands glowed with magic and he stepped closer asking for his permission.</p><p>"I'm fine. Don't worry. It-it was just Izzy's food. I drew an iratze so it'll be okay." He said quickly.</p><p>"You sure you don't want me to kiss it better?" Magnus teased and Alec shivered slightly as he felt the familiar magic wash over him as Magnus checked him.</p><p>His mind noted that Magnus was standing so close to him and Alec felt his eyes involuntary flickering down "Are- are you going somewhere?" Alec asked distractedly.</p><p>"I can be convinced to stay," Magnus said wrapping his arms around his waist. "I was thinking of-"  his eyelids painted a gold shaded with black smudges around the edge. His eyes were outlined with black kohl? He was pretty sure that's what Magnus called it. Up close Alec could see his lips were covered in a pale sheen of gloss, it had flecks of glitter catching the light. Alec felt a hand coming to rest on his neck. "-Alec?"</p><p class="">"Huh?" Alec asked cluelessly and felt Magnus stroking his thumb gently along his rune. </p><p class="">"You didn't hear a word of what I said right?" Magnus sounded fond and he felt slightly embarrassed at getting caught looking at him.</p><p>"Have I told you how lovely you look when you're blushing?" Magnus whispered, leaning so close that Alec could feel his breath.</p><p>His eyes flickered upwards, meeting green-gold eyes that stared down at him in a way that made him shiver. "Once or twice," Alec said almost in a daze. It had been so long since he had looked at him like that.</p><p>Magnus leaned in and closed the gap. Alec's arm went around Magnus's waist pulling him closer, his heart rate spiking. Magnus's lips were soft and warm against his chapped ones, covered with a smooth layer of lip gloss. He craved to get closer to him, his mind blissfully empty except for how Magnus felt against him.</p><p>Alec gasped as Magnus's lips parted his and deepened the kiss, his hand cradling his head closer. "I love you Alexander" Magnus murmured against his lips. </p><p>......'<em>Aku cinta kamu.'</em></p><p>'<em>What does that mean?'</em></p><p>
  <em>'It means I love you. Not that that changes anything.'...<br/></em>
</p><p>Alec flinched away from Magnus. <em>'Not that it changes anything.'</em></p><p>Magnus looked surprised, "Alec?"</p><p><em>He doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't know that. You're taking advantage of him</em>.</p><p>"Jace" Alec blurted out taking a step back.</p><p>Magnus raised an eyebrow with a disbelieving expression "Darling if you are still thinking of the blonde when I was kissing you then clearly I'm doing something wrong"</p><p>"No" Alec quickly said. He was pretty sure Magnus was joking but Alec didn't want him to think anything like that.</p><p>"I- um.." Alec scrambled to find an excuse "I have to go. Should go now. Probably. You are not doing anything wrong- it's good. The kiss- I forgot-"</p><p>"Was that call about a lead on Adlai?" Magnus asked taking pity on him.</p><p>"Yes," Alec nodded feeling an equal part of both guilty and relieved at Magnus himself giving him an out.</p><p>Magnus looked a bit disappointed, "Well, I'll come with you I do want my memories back as soon as possible."</p><p>"You do?" Alec looked at him feeling alarmed.</p><p>Magnus gave him a weird look, "Don't look so shocked darling, they are <em>my</em> <em>memories</em> after all"</p><p>"We can handle it" Alec insisted "You should stay here. Or go out. We won't meet him. Oh- you have that potion to finish"</p><p>Magnus looked like he was going to argue but much to his relief didn't, "Fine" he said.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Magnus was worried about Alec.</p><p>Well, to say he was worried would be an understatement.</p><p>First, Alec had kept staring at him with a strange look in his face. He always kept coming up with excuses to stay close to him- not that he was complaining but Alec kept glancing at him as if he couldn't believe he was there.</p><p>Alec agreed far to easily whenever he even suggested on going somewhere- he knows if Ragnor had heard about this from him he'd say there is no satisfying him and if he tells Catarina about this she would tell him to talk with him but Alec hadn't been in a sharing mood ever since Magnus had to talk with Camile at the institute.</p><p>Most obvious of all was that Alec wasn't pestering him about his past at all.</p><p>It was as if he'd completely turned a one eighty and decided that he was going to enjoy the moment without thinking too much as Magnus has been suggesting.</p><p>Magnus had mentioned a name of an acquaintance he'd known one-time they were just cuddling on the couch and Magnus had immediately regretted it knowing their mood will be ruined but Alec had tensed for a fraction of a second before he'd smilled at him in a painfully grateful way and thanked him for sharing the story with him. Magnus had been relieved but this wasn't like his Alec. His Alec was bluntly honest and curious and much to his despair, lately painfully insecure about his importance in Magnus's life.</p><p><em>Now</em> Magnus couldn't help but feel as if Alec was avoiding him- especially at night. It was almost as if he had moved out of the apartment without telling him. Half of his stuff- not that he had much to begin with- had disappeared without him even noticing.</p><p>Oh and let's not forget the fact that Alec keeps pulling away whenever he kisses him, <em>that</em> is definitely strange. He didn't think much about it before but now with everything else he knew there's more to it.</p><p>Alec had looked so happy for a while since the incident. Now he had a miserable shadow hanging over him no matter what he did. Magnus could tell he wasn't sleeping well again. He looked troubled whenever Magnus caught him alone.</p><p>Alec's strange behavior itself had been going on for a while. He'd thought it was due to Jace being missing. He knew how close parabatai were. But they had found Jace- now it seems like had taken a turn for worst... It was almost like he'd been replaced by some puppet.</p><p>Something was bothering Alec and he intended to find out what it was.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Really hope this chapter was okay. I ran out of data soo I started to edit yesterday and I was like- lol, let's just say I should not read stuff I write. Anyways to clear up any confusion, Magnus was helping the tmi gang find Jace and Alec was having the immortality issue. Then they found him there was a fight and Magnus got hurt but he healed alright. It was after all that the breakup happened. So for Magnus it's just looking for Jace, finding him and Alec continuing to act weird but now more concerning.</p><p>Happy new year everyone! Let me know your thoughts! Feel free to ask questions if you aren't clear about something :)</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Shadow Market was so far being surprisingly uneventful than he'd expected. For some reason, he'd thought they'd have to inconspicuously lurk around the market for a while, hiding in the shadows and jump out blades blazing when Adlai arrived.</p><p>So far they were dying of boredom.</p><p>"Are you <em>sure</em> she said he'll be here today? Did she say word to word that the warlock <em>Adlai</em> will be here?" Isabelle groaned throwing her head back. He saw a part of the deflect rune on her neck peak out at the movement and gestured to her to hide it.</p><p>They all had decided against using a glamour rune. They didn't want to risk someone seeing through it and warning Adlai.</p><p>She was wearing a purple sleeveless top that covered her neck. Why she had gone through all the trouble of hiding her runes with makeup when she could've just worn something that covered her arms would forever be a mystery to him. </p><p>Rolling her eyes she adjusted her top, "Oh quite it. The chance of you being noticed is higher, I hope you know that you look very suspicious in that oversized cloak."</p><p>Alec just rested his head against the wall and looked up at Jace from where he was sitting on the ground with arms on top of his knees. Alec thought that even with his runes covered there was no mistake in identifying Jace as anything but a Shadowhunter.</p><p>"Do you think he heard that we were looking for him?" Alec asked.</p><p>Jace titled his head, "He thinks all of us are under his spell, he would come anyway."</p><p>Alec stared at the stall they were surveilling feeling conflicted. Adlai was supposedly coming there to buy a charm and they had been here since morning because apparently, the faery hasn't seen the importance of asking when he'd come.</p><p>Part of him was glad that this was taking a long time. On one side this was a perfect excuse to avoid going back to the apartment and on the other hand, it meant he could keep living in the lie for a bit longer.</p><p>"Alec you should stay here," Jace said. "He'll think it's just the two of us and you can easily get a shot at him"</p><p>Alec snapped towards him, "What? Why change the plan?"</p><p>"Because you're avoiding Magnus," Jace said in a matter of fact way.</p><p>"I-I'm not avoiding him," Alec said defensively, "I was with him yesterday."</p><p>"Right.." Jace drawled, "Yes, I vaguely remember you disappearing off from the institute for three hours. That's normal isn't it?"</p><p>"Even if I was, what has that have to do with anything?" Alec demanded.</p><p>Before Jace could say anything Isabelle leaped down from the damaged table she was sitting on, "That's him" She said eagerly.</p><p>There approaching the stall, looking very unconcerned was the warlock they'd been waiting for. </p><p>It was finally happening.</p><p>Alec got to his feet only to be stopped by Jace grabbing his arm. "You got this." He said with an unreadable look.</p><p>Huffing to himself, Alec crossed his arms and watched as his sibling went ahead without him. They'd have used this tactic a lot of times. Even though he could see the advantage of this plan, he knew he had been pushed off as the backup in a way this time.</p><p>He stepped deep into the shadows, nocked an arrow, and waited.</p><p>As soon as Adlai went inside the tent, taking out their weapons, Jace remained outside while Isabelle followed him in. Other downworlders cleared off the area as soon as they show Shadowhunters with their weapons out. Those who didn't were held back with a warning look Jace sent while twirling his knife.</p><p>Maybe he should've told Magnus about this. It would have been extremely easier to catch him if he'd been here with them.</p><p>"<em>It's over. I don't want to see you again, Alec. Or any of your friends. I'm tired of being their pet warlock."</em></p><p>Right. He shook off that thought.</p><p>He tensed as he saw magic lighting inside the tent as the warlock ran out of it. Jace immediately started to fight back and much to his relief Isabelle stumbled out looking pissed off, covered in some pink powder.</p><p>Adlai was looking overwhelmed at being cornered by two Shadowhunters but he still refused to give up and kept throwing off spells at them, trying to escape. After a moment Alec noted something strange. The warlock kept just missing their attacks far too many times and Isabelle's fighting was slightly off. Suddenly while attacking Adlai, her whip went sideway towards Jace, who narrowly avoided it leaping back, and much to his growing worry, Alec saw Isabelle hunching forward abruptly.</p><p>Taking the opportunity, Adlai quickly opened a portal and Alec had a clear shot. He drew back the arrow aiming towards the warlock's shoulder.</p><p>"<em>It's over. I don't want to see you again, Alec."</em></p><p>
  <em>Magnus</em>
</p><p>He could see from the corner of his eye Jace signaling for him to shoot and he cleared his mind and released it.</p><p>The arrow sailed through the air and barely gazed Adlai as he went through the portal.</p><p>He missed.</p><p>Alec staggered back.</p><p>He hesitated.</p><p>He'd hesitated for a second and now they'd missed the chance to catch him.</p><p>Alec felt his breathing speed up. It was his fault. He never intended to let the warlock escape, he hadn't been trying to fail to catch him but he'd hesitated for a <em>second</em>, and now they might <em>never</em> get another chance to catch him and he could <em>hurt</em> those mundanes and he took away Magnus's memories, he- he-</p><p>Jace suddenly appeared in his vision and handed him the arrow, stumping him of his thoughts. Alec dumbly stared at it until he registered the fact that it had a scrap of cloth stuck on the point having torn through the warlock's attire.</p><p>They could still track him with it.</p><p>He heard a sniffling sound coming from Isabelle and looked at her in time to see her sneeze three times in a row.</p><p>"Be can thak 'im" She sneezed again and cursed Adlai. </p><p>Alec belatedly wondered when he came over to them. </p><p>"Are you okay?" Alec asked rather stupidly, staring at her watering eyes.</p><p>Jace shrugged "I think it's all the pink stuff." he sniffed, "It smells like-"</p><p>"Thulibs" She moaned pathetically.</p><p>Alec snapped out of his daze.  Hurrying over to her, he took off his cloak and helped her brush away the powder.</p><p>The faery walked out of her tent and stared at Isabelle looking utterly displeased. "I expect to be paid for that." She said irritated, "I needed that tulip powder for a charm." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Alec stared at the ceiling, waiting for Magnus to return to the apartment, thinking about what he had been doing. Was he really going to spend the rest of his life lying to Magnus? Technically it's not a lie but is he going to hide it from him? He'd almost lost them the chance of catching Adlai because of it. Magnus deserved better than this, he deserved to know the truth.</p><p>He released a shaky breath, he had no idea how to tell him.</p><p>'<em>Magnus you know how you broke up with me because I betrayed you? So now I've betrayed you by lying to you again just so I can be with you. Oh right, you don't remember because you don't have memory and I've been lying to you all this time so please don't be mad?'</em></p><p>He doubted Magnus was going to accept that.</p><p>"<em>Oh let's not forget, I also sort of let the warlock who took your memories escape too'</em></p><p>There was no way Magnus wouldn't throw him out.</p><p>Hearing Magnus entering the apartment after what felt like hours and hours of waiting, he got up from the bed and dragged his feet toward him.</p><p>"Oh you're here," Magnus said in an odd voice looking at him and turned away continuing to store some items in his ingredients cabinet.</p><p>Alec took a deep breath, he had to start from somewhere. "We have a way to track Adlai.."</p><p>There was no response from him. He felt like there should've been more of a reaction from him.</p><p>"Magnus... I-I have to tell you something." Alec whispered feeling lost as Magnus ignored him.</p><p>"Oh do you now?" Magnus stopped and turned, his expression changing as he looked at him.</p><p>"What's the last thing you remember?" Alec blurted out.</p><p>"What?" Magnus looked startled.</p><p>"I think you are missing almost a month" Alec rushed out.</p><p>Magnus stared at him with an unreadable expression.</p><p>Closing his eyes because he couldn't bear to look at his face, Alec continued, "I haven't been- Magnus I've been-"</p><p>"I know" came the reply.</p><p>His eyes snapped open and saw Magnus staring at him with a blank face. Alec dug his nails into his palms trying to hold together himself. He must be mistaken, he couldn't have heard that. "What?" Alec could hear his voice shaking slightly.</p><p>"I know" Magnus repeated.</p><p>"At first I thought I thought it was just me but then it wasn't that hard to figured it out once I knew. I thought you hadn't noticed but then again how could anyone not notice that the person they're spending time with doesn't remember a whole month." Magnus continued. "I get why you didn't say anything but I wish you had Alec."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Alec said. "I- I didn't know how to.."</p><p>Magnus's eyes flickered as he looked at his face and he sighed "It's okay Alec."</p><p>Alec blinked "No it's not."</p><p>Magnus let out an exasperated breath, "Alec, what do you want me to say? That you lied to me and I want nothing to do with you? Oh stop looking at me like that, it's not like I'm going to hold it against you forever."</p><p>He stepped closer and grabbed his shoulders, "I love you too much to not forgive you Alexander" Alec felt his heart sinking. "I know we argued," Magnus continued on looking a bit weary. "but it wasn't that serious enough for all this."</p><p>"I.." Alec felt his throat drying. Magnus was not talking about <em>it</em>. He still didn't know. He <em>had</em> to tell him.</p><p>"Do you remember the first time we went to Taki's?" Magnus asked suddenly.<br/><br/>Of course, he remembers, how could he forget. Alec nodded not knowing why he would ask that.</p><p>"Remember how I kissed you after that and you asked me what was that for?" Magnus continued softly. "That was the moment I realized that I love you. That you were the one I've been waiting for"</p><p>"Magnus.." Alec felt his resolve crumbling.</p><p>"I'm going to skip it all and get to the part where I forgive you," Magnus said taking a step back. "Unless of course, you tell me that you wanted to get rid of the Chairmen, in that case get out" he teased lightly.</p><p>Alec mutely shook his head, his gut-churning in shame as a realization he probably should've had earlier sank into him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hehe.. I was really tempted to stop it at the I know.</p><p>Sorry about the delay. I was going to post this and warn you all that I might disappear for a while but.. I guess now I'll say I might disappear for a while that is going to be shorter than the original intended time? I sorta swore off reading stuff in ao3 for a while(and all the authors have started posting and I just I really cant believe 8 fics got updated in one day when I started this) after an alarming realization of much much stuff I've procrastinated.. but instead now I've spent time on Youtube? But also have done at least somewhat more stuff than before? So I'm going to do school/study/write this fic during this time.. Sry about that rambling I almost sleeping right here in front of the laptop. Sometimes I miss the days when mom forces me to go bed.. guess there's ups and downs of being responsible for yourself..</p><p>I found this plot hole in future chapters and I've been fixing it so once I completely find a 100% sure solution I'll post the next chapter :) </p><p>Don't worry I will not abandon this or disappear off for a year. Just expect the next chapter in February.. </p><p>As always if you see any mistake let me know without ripping my head off.. I almost afraid to say that after seeing comments some people get 😅 Thank you all for being so supportive!</p><p>(Ps if you kept reading this whole thing kudos to you mi amigo 😅😅 )</p>
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